10 Lessons Learned in Graduate School Through Classes, My Assistantship, and Overall Life

10 Lessons Learned in Graduate School Through Classes, My Assistantship, and Overall Life

Olivia Stankey

Assistant Residential Community Educator for Academic and Wellness Initiatives

Oklahoma State University - 2016-2017

1.     Graduate School is for YOU

a.     There are a variety of reasons why individuals attend college: wanting a specific career, society says so, it’s the next step, parents went, parents did not go, and many more).  No matter the reason, most people find college enjoyable and have positive outcomes but their initial reason is often external.  That is different in graduate school.  Graduate school needs to be an experience YOU want.  It is a significant amount of work and there are sacrifices that come with that.  Additionally, professors already know you are competent and believe you are able to do the work, otherwise they would not have admitted you to the program.  Assignments then become a chance for you to explore a topic new to you or delve deeper into something you are passionate about.  They are a chance for you to continue to improve your writing skills and understanding of the dynamics and interactions around you with coworkers and students.  It is a very personal and individualized experience that, in my opinion, is well worth the time, but you have to do it for YOU.  Otherwise, it is going to be that much harder.

2.     Your Cohort Members Become Some of Your Greatest Friends

a.     I specifically looked for a cohort model in my graduate program.  I got a little experience with this model in my undergraduate career and knew it would be beneficial at the graduate level.  I was moving across the country and I needed people around me who understood what we were all going through, to celebrate the successes, and to comfort in the stressful moments of the process.  Along the way, your cohort members have the chance to become your great friends.  Take the time to reach out, hang out, and get to know each other.  Graduate school is hard enough, do not make it harder by isolating yourself.

3.     Your Professors Trust You

a.     When I first started graduate school, a professor told us that no one is going to hold your hand throughout this process.  I both agree and disagree with her.  I agree that no one is going to remind you about assignments and it is your responsibility to not only get your assignments done, but read the readings, and start your masters project or study for your comprehensive exams the same time as everything else.  I disagree because your class sizes are so much smaller than they are in undergraduate school, at least in my experience, so there is really a chance to get to know the professor and for them to get to know you.  So, while it is not hand holding, your professor is going to notice if you are not there for class, if you are going through something personal, and more.  They care about you because they get the opportunity to know you. 

4.     Spend Your Energy Wisely

a.     I spent a significant amount of my first year of graduate school focused on the similarities and differences between my graduate school and undergraduate school.  I was under the assumption that more was standard across the field than actually is and this was both fascinating and frustrating.  So, I am going to save you the time and energy.  There are MANY things that are going to be different between your undergraduate institution and graduate institution, and that’s okay.  Your fascinating moments are a cue that you might have found a new value or way of doing things you appreciate.  Your frustrations are a cue to look for something that fits better when you search for your next position or experience.  Oftentimes, you will have both.  I did.  I learned over the last two years what I want in my next institution and job experience and what I do not want.  That is normal. Overall, pick your battles, keep your eyes open, learn often, and reflect on your experience.

5.     Be Yourself

a.     I spent my entire first year of graduate school trying to be what I thought my institution and department wanted me to be.  It was EXHAUSTING! And it is totally not worth it and uses unnecessary energy.  It also lowers your mental health and sense of belonging.  The beginning of my second year, I made a decision – be myself and be okay with the reactions others have.  It was scary and at times embarrassing, but I would never go back.  Feeling like you can be yourself at work, and not just at home, is a freeing experience.  I am much closer to my staff also because they got to know me also, the real me.  They sometimes laugh at my jokes and sometimes do not, and that’s okay. 

6.     Office Politics are REAL

a.     One of my peers in undergraduate school also went into Student Affairs, but a year ahead of me.  The biggest piece of advice she gave me was to learn how office politics worked because they are real.  She was 100% right.  There are always people in office settings that like or do not like each other, always decisions that someone disagrees with, and everyone has at least one day where they are at their wits end.  I have four pieces of advice for navigating these waters. 

                                               i.     Observe and learn before you act.  There is always something more you can learn to make sure you are responding in the best way with the least chance of stepping in a pitfall.

                                             ii.     It is really hard to stay mad at someone you know.  Take the time to get to know your coworkers and then, when someone is late to a meeting or makes a decision, you are much more likely to assume good will instead of being upset.

                                            iii.     Pick your battles.  Know your values and what you need to stand for, but also be ready to accept the consequences for standing up for what you believe in.  Standing up for what you believe in, and being okay with the consequences takes a lot of the fear out of the experience, because you know that what you are standing up for is a core value, rather than something that upsets you.

                                            iv.     Find a mentor outside your department.  Having someone outside the office politics environment provides a safe place for you to process how you feel about a decision, while also having someone give you perspective and learning moments you might not get from venting to a friend.

7.     How to Balance Wearing Many “Hats”

a.     When you are an undergraduate student, even working for an on-campus department, you are mainly seen as a student.  You get to wear this “hat” everywhere you go, and everyone understands that this “hat” comes first.  This is not the case in graduate school with an assistantship.  You wear many different “hats”.  For example, your professor in Introduction to Student Affairs may also be the Director of Career Services on campus.  You may be a student in class, a committee member at work, and somewhere in between when you seek out Career Services for help with the job search process.  You may also intern for that department at one point in your graduate coursework.  How to balance this? Watch what you say and how you say it.  This is a pitfall I fell into my first semester.  I was used to challenging professors to further my learning, but this is difficult when you have to see the same person in a different collaborative role the next morning.  Know that when you walk into a room in our field, everyone in the room has multiple roles, wearing multiple “hats”.  You need to know all roles are hearing what you say when you say it.  Still advocate for what you need, but be strategic.

8.     Where to Vent and Process Feelings

a.     There is a difference between venting and gossiping.  The first is necessary, the second is not.  I would recommend having at least two people to vent to: a mentor outside your department and a friend who does not work in the field.  The first can help you learn from your frustrations and experiences, knowing that you are in a place of growth in your graduate experience.  They also work in the field overall and can provide insight to assist that growth without spreading gossip.  The second can help you process feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, etc. with support and not causing them to get upset about the same thing since they do not work in the field.  Both of these venting routes have low risk of being seen as gossip and give you the chance to process as you need to.

9.     Values and Environment Matter

a.     One of my mentors told me that a good fit at a university or environment follows the 80-20 rule.  This means that your values and beliefs line up with the department, university, state, etc. at a rate of 80%.  Not perfect, but well over 50-50.  The other 20% are ways in which your environment values and beliefs differ, keeping the position and location interesting, giving you a chance to grow, and giving you a chance to teach others.  There is not going to be a place that you agree with 100% all of the time, so the 80-20 rule is a good rule of thumb when considering your options and next step.

10.  Encouraging Mentors Make a Difference

a.     Lastly, you want your mentors to not only challenge you, but also to support you.  I have two different mentors to fit each of these roles.  One of my mentors teaches me ways in which I can grow, talks me through moments when I am frustrated or do not understand something happening in the department.  He sometimes provides support, but mostly promotes my learning, growth, and development.  My other mentor always lifts me up.  Every time I see him, he tells me what great work I am doing and how I am a valued member of the team.  It is important to have both of these areas covered, whether in one mentor or two, because you need someone to help you grow so you do not stagnate, but you also need someone to bring you up.  Graduate school is hard, having support helps.